Recently, a reader asked me this question, “I’m a Messianic Jew Torah Observant for 7 years now, and I really would like to see information how you parents do the transition from Pentecostal , or Christian to be Messianic Jew Torah Observant, with their older children?, For me be hard to force my son today 15 years old ,and I do not want he hate go to the congregation. I would like to see about Torah and teenagers information.”
I personally do not have older children, so I posted her question to our loving community that follows our Facebook Page. The Sisters came through with several answers to help their Sister. I’m compiling their answers below to be a source of encouragement to other women asking the same question.
“My daughters were teens when I became torah observant, I laid the rules straight away. I told them what I was doing and why, and asked them to respect it and me by not bringing unclean foods into the house. I also said if they wanted to continue to do Christmas etc then we have plenty of family members they can celebrate with. I invited them to join the biblical feasts with me and Shabbat worship etc, answered questions when asked and led by example. I now have 1 torah observant daughter and 1 not. It wasn’t all plain sailing. Trust YHWH and give kids the choice.”
“We have been following Torah for about 1yr and 1/2 and it is hard. I have a 16yr that is set in her ways but she has to follow His laws while under our roof. We do not push or argue. She has to come to terms on her own. Prayer and understanding. along with teaching and discussing it to make sure they really understand the changes we are making and why. I found that if we do not keep up with a normal shabbat night makes it hard for my son (6) to know what day it is. My other 3 children understand and want to follow His Torah as best they can. My husband fallowed but wasn’t all there yet. But after really reading the scriptures over time he made the choice of committing to obey the Torah. Just takes time, reading, and prayer.”
“Just say you’re coming with me, you can go back to a Sunday Church if you choose after you are 18 period. It is for his own good.”
“Also, check out Torahfamily.org. Steve (previously with 119 ministries) has a heart for the whole family and just started youth geared teachings called “Let’s Go” and his “Off the Cuff” teachings are also great for teens. Hope your son likes these as much as mine!”
“Sometimes it is better a little at a time. Thanks instant break. Also look for a Messianic or even a Hebraic roots style congregation. I recently heard that there’s a youth conference put on by the MJAA as well as a family conference through Hebraic Roots network”
“My sister has a 27 year old son and through her walk and talk, seeds planted and letting the Holy Spirit do the rest and he’s now reading the Torah and worshiping on The 7th day Sabbath.”
“We have been striving towards Torah observance for four years now. My oldest will be 14 in August. He, plus my 12yo daughter, and 10yo son are from my previous relationship. Their dad is not a believer. So we have a battle no matter what. We just try our best to teach, answer honestly, and explain truth. Then let them decide. They still do Christmas and Easter at their dad’s. But last year my son decided to stop eating pork even at his dad’s. That was a hard decision and I was proud of him. This year I gave my ex all secular holidays if I could have all biblical holidays. With a stipulation that the kids will have the option to choose if they want to observe a religious holiday or not. Obviously this could backfire on me, but I wanted them to have the option not to do Christmas and Easter if they choose that, without pressure or custody rules. The truth will set them free, and the ruach will convict their hearts. Lots of prayer.”
“We came from a Pentecostal background. We were even in ministry. We had always taught the Hebrew context of most things but didn’t walk in Torah fully until last year. Our kids living at home were 18, 17, 17, 7, and 6. The thing I did was explain to them what YAH had been sharing with me about our walk. The next thing I did was sat them down and watched Identity Crisis by Passion for Truth Ministries. It instantly clicked with my sons (both 17). My daughter (18) took it a little harder. It meant not doing the traditions we were used to like xmas or eating certain foods and things like that. She eventually came full on board. We just started with the feasts…they loved them…and as we learn more we implement them. Don’t be afraid to tell them all you have learned was either wrong or not the whole story. They just want honesty. And mine are so much more happy participating in feast days and Sabbath things than sitting in a Sunday church being talked at. They tell me this walk makes so much more sense then the one we were on.”
“I’m in the same boat. We do studies together from 119 ministries. We believe that if our oldest has an actual relationship with Yahweh, he will be convicted by His Spirit in His time. You can never force someone to love or obey Him. As long as they are expressed to the truth and see us live it we have done what we can. The rest is in His hands.”
“We made the change and began teaching our children why as we made it. Our older kids, we kept telling them that they would have to decided if it was true for themselves, and the TRUTH has prevailed every time. Our oldest son, now lives where he can not worship on Sabbath with others, but he stands up for his beliefs and is influencing those around him in love. We just realized that as we discovered and understood things in scripture we had to walk in obedience and hope our children would see the truth with us. It isn’t always easy, but they like us have no desire to deny that YHVH has lead us to this place in our lives. We started by reading the Torah portions as a family and discussing them and then studying the feasts (including Sabbath) in depth. We have family Bible study every night. This gives our kids opportunities often tp question and express their doubts. Now, we have a congregation that we meet with on Sabbath. IT is small and our kids do sometimes want for more like minded friends and relationships. But they are trusting in YHVH. My kids are 20,20, 18,17,17, 16, 13,12,11,9,7,6,4, and 2. We as a family have only been all in for less than 3 years. Myself and some of my kids saw the beauty of Torah before my husband and other children, we just prayed and prayed and trusted YHVH to bring us all to unity. And He has been faithful.”
“Step By Step.. A little everyday with Lots of Prayer.. Listen to the Teachings on Yahweh’s Word with him.. Don’t force anything but make sure he knows that Yahuah wants us to keep his laws so that we may live, and that is how we prove our love to Yahuah.. Gently Lead him little by little and Let Yahuah do the rest.”
“I totally understand this concern. Ours were just entering teen years 5 years when we started keeping Torah and we were attending a United Pentecostal Church. We kept Sabbath for 2 years and fellowshipped with Sunday keepers. It was very difficult. We prayed about it and the Lord helped cause a divide that lead our children away from the tight bonds of friendship…and ridicule. But now as they are entering courtship ages…now what? With so few Torah keeping families. They do not have one friend who believe like we do and that is very concerning. They are wanting to get jobs etc….it is all hard. But we are blessed by kids who put the Word above all else…so far…”
“We just showed them the truth in the word and explained it as we understood it. They got it and went with us…”
I became open to the truth of Yah’s word/Torah about 4 years ago after being a solid Sunday Christian for over 25 years. My husband didn’t see it and neither did my children who at that time were 18, 16, 15, 11, & 9.
Yet they were caught in the middle of my fear of them continuing in Sunday worship and all that includes, and my husband’s fear of me leading them back to things that are “done away with”. My husband agreed with my leaving Sunday church but not our children. So they had to keep Sabbath and go to church with him.
We eliminated Christmas first, yet there was still a longing for it the first year. I still purchased the gifts that I had promised before denouncing it, but without the decorations and tree. Because my husband had invited my mother-law over that year, we all sort of pretended like we were still having Christmas but not really.
It was really awkward for my children because everyone they knew was celebrating Christmas.
Over the years the awkwardness has seemed to wear off regarding traditional holidays.
My husband is still not sold on keeping Torah yet we as a family do not celebrate many of the traditional holidays.
My focus over the years was to expose my children to the whole truth of scripture but not force them to choose. They never resisted our instructions but usually complied to whatever my husband and I requested.
My children now 22, 20, 19, 15, and 13 all still live at home and are required by my husband to attend either sabbath or Sunday church every week. My 22 year old is whole heartedly following the Torah and only keeps sabbath.
Yet we have recently learned that the others are still not sure what they believe. They have expressed that before they had truly made a wholehearted decision even about Sunday church they were abruptly told that it was not the truth and was snatched away from it.
This really surprised me because I thought they were coming to a place of understanding about the Torah and was just going to Sunday church out of respect for their father.
I learned that just as I had my own revelation about Yah’s word, they will have to do the same.
I no longer have fear about their understanding of Yah’s word and making sure they keep Torah. I just continue to expose them to the scriptures and pray.
My 13 year old expressed that he was only 9 when all the changes happened so he never had a chance to choose. He now wants to truly compare the two ways and make a decision for himself which way is true.
I have to honor his decision because it is what Yah wants all of us to do: seek him and his truth with our whole heart and not forced conversion.
This whole journey has been rough for us as a family but I see it as our wilderness journey and soon we will all cross over to the promised land.
Shalom!
Wow. This was so interesting to read.
My oldest is now 14. She was about 9 when we discovered the truth and ‘standing’ of Torah for the follower of Messiah, but I never encountered resistance from my children, because SHE was the one who started it! Lol
At 9, she– looking at our homeschool calendar– inquired about why we don’t observe Shabbat on ‘Saturday’ when this so-called day is THE seventh one.
I had the ‘Sunday-school answer’ and gave it, but I’d always challenged my kids to demand Biblical support for whatever they’re taught, even– and beginning with what they’re taught by their own parents!
Welp!, lol, she did, lol, “Mami, can you show me where it says that in the Bible?”
That futile search– yes, I actually looked because THAT’S how Biblically ILLITERATE I was then (We’ve since read through the entire Bible, as a family, with discussion and study, as an annual or biannual practice.)– started the discovery that brought us all to Torah-living in Messiah.
My husband, believing the whole Word, knew our path was true and was not resistant, EXCEPT to make plain that he would NOT have us swapping extrabiblical Christian doctrine for extrabiblical Jewish/Judaism doctrine.
It was going to be “straight Bible, no filler.”
“If we don’t yet understand, we ‘put it down’ until such time He reveals the truth of His Word– we will not make something up, neither will we adopt doctrine, practices, or traditions that appear to offer answers, soltions, or work-arounds that don’t quite jibe with Scripture,” he has said.
A LOT of people have distanced themselves from us, and– though, thankfully, we had each other and we’re united on this as a family– that was the hardest part/hurt the most.
We were ‘falling from grace,’ ‘becoming Jewish,’ ‘seduced by cultish thought,’ ‘breaking family members hearts’ by not participating in holiday events or just being unnecessarily ‘difficult’ …
Like I said, even though we were united as a family, “The Way Documentary” was a tremendous blessing to us during this time, and it might be helpful to watch with older children who are struggling with Torah living in Y’shua.
It affirmed the truth of this Biblical approach to the faith while introducing you to ‘family’– however far away– who understood, who were in it with you, who experienced the same heartbreak and rejection … It was such a blessed encouragement to hold fast to what is true and good even when it hurts and is hard– ‘you’re not alone’ was the comfort.
So yeah, resources like ‘Identity Crisis’ and ‘The Way Documentary,’ I think, would be very helpful supplements to any parent’s efforts to help theither older children understand and consider/explore the matter more deeply for themselves.
In the end, nothing beats prayer and honoring the Father as one parents. He does mightily on behalf of His faithful ones!
Sorry for the long comment, lol. Hope it’s helpful.
Love in Messiah,
Me